literature

Potty-Roth

Deviation Actions

MagicRat's avatar
By
Published:
4.3K Views

Literature Text

Potty-Roth

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: G
Pairing: Zack/Sephiroth, Angeal/Genesis.
Warnings: Naked baby-butt and Turk abuse.
Word Count: 1680
Website – Ex Libris:  www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…
Live Journal:  delaese.livejournal.com/profil…
Honeybee Inn FF Community: honeybee-inn.livejournal.com/p…

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: All great Turks start with humble duties…

Author's notes: Rabid Tiger Universe.

deepest_dawn wrote: "....I have a random question in relation to this poll....Who, precisely, trained Sephiroth? Because you KNOW Hojo was not about to get anywhere near that..."

And thus a plotbunny is born.




Veld was exhausted. And he had a funny feeling that he had been assigned this duty specifically because Hojo hadn't liked Vincent Valentine in the least, and now that Vincent was dead, the only thing left to be done was assign his partner and friend the most menial task to be had.

Potty-training Specimen HJ 441209 – aka Sephiroth.

Sephiroth was two. Like most two-year-olds, he was fractious, contrary, and fond of taking his clothes off. Unlike most two-year-olds, his tantrums could have severe physical consequences for the poor Turk who had to chase after his tiny white chubby nude ass.

Veld slowly picked himself up from the floor in time to see the giggling little shit tear off down the hallway, stark naked save for his underwear on his head, bits of hair poking out at all angles, black puffy baby-wings extended. Veld watched the little fat butt head out the door and into the house proper. Terrific. The Turk gave himself a shake and headed after his tiny charge, only to find him standing in front of a couple of MPs, farting loudly and laughing his head off.

"What the hell is that?" asked one soldier.

Veld was panting. "When it grows up it's gonna be some big deal super-warrior."

"What's his super power?" asked the second soldier. "Pooping on the rug?"

"Ah crap," said Veld.

"Yeah that about sums it up," said the first soldier.

"Just catch him while I call someone to clean his opinion of potty-training off the floor."

The soldier bent to pick up the baby, who immediately screamed bloody murder and began to thrash. Seconds later the soldier was on his knees, holding a broken nose, and Sephiroth was off once more. Veld hopped over the injured man and pursued his quarry.

"You get back here right now, young man! You're getting a time-out!"

"NO!" yelled Sephiroth, which was currently his favourite word.  

Veld chased the shrieking toddler down the hall, nearly crashing into Professor Gast, who had emerged from his office to see what was going on.

"What's the meaning of this noise?" he demanded as Veld darted past him.

"Potty-training," said Veld, heading around the corner to find his charge gleefully peeing on the floor. Veld sighed heavily.

"Sephy, we are supposed to do that in the potty."

"NO!"

"Do you think the president pees on the floor?"

"NO!"

"Or Professor Gast?"

"NO!"

"I know I certainly don't pee on the floor."

"NO!"

"So would you please just once…?"

The toddler emitted a shriek that caused people to come from all over to find out who was torturing a baby. One of the people was a female lab assistant, who was clearly pregnant. She watched the squalling, tantruming little darling stomping in his own pee and then looked at one of her co-workers.

"I feel my mother did not properly inform me as to the joys of parenting."

"Go Veld!" someone encouraged as the Turk tried to round up his charge.

Veld caught the precious angel and was awarded with a blood-curdling scream and a baby-fist between the eyes. Baby-fists were not normally much of a problem for fully trained Turks, but this one sent Veld to his knees, his vision black and starry. Having defeated his villainous baby-sitter, Sephiroth turned on the crowd of gawkers and stomped ferociously, fuzzy down wings beating. By now Veld's patience was a fond memory, and he scooped the tiny terror-tot up under one arm, and seconds later there was the sharp resounding SMACK! of a hand meeting buttocks. Sephiroth's eyes were huge as he was set back down on the floor. He turned to face Veld, his jaw hanging, staring up at the Turk as he loomed over the toddler, arms crossed. There was a very long silence.

"Now are you going to behave?" Veld asked.

Sephiroth still stared at Veld, eyes enormous, jaw hanging, absolutely stunned at the idea that anyone would spank him. His life in the lab was one of pain and strict regiment, but he had been led to believe that the house was his personal rampage space. And his rampaging had been interrupted in a most heinous manner!

Sephiroth ripped a length of wood off the wall and charged Veld, roaring at the top of his baby-lungs. Veld was no idiot. The Turk headed straight out the nearest window.

"All right, little Mister, I think we have seen quite enough of this behaviour." Professor Gast bent and picked up the tiny tyrant. "That's enough of that. Into the tub with you, and you're going to say you are sorry to Veld. That's no way for a big boy to act, ripping up the house and chasing the Turks. Come along."

By the time Veld had dragged himself out of the rose bushes, Sephiroth was bathed, dressed, and in his high chair rubbing spaghetti into his hair.

"So why are you not potty-training the little darling?" asked Veld. "You are the only person he behaves for."

"Because I am a very busy research scientist. Why are you doing it?"

"Because I was Vincent Valentine's friend and Hojo gets his jollies out of watching me get my ass kicked by a baby."

"Ah. I see. Well I could find time to step in and help you, if you like. Besides, we'll be working together very closely now. We have a surprise for you."

"Oh yeah?" said Veld warily in light of other surprises he had been awarded while working in this house.

Professor Gast briefly left the room, then returned with two babies, close in age to Sephiroth. One had a fuzzy explosion of black hair, one had red. Gast put them on the floor, while Sephiroth gazed fixedly at the pair, his bowl on his head, noodles emerging and covering his face like strange hair. Gast straightened, smiled at Veld, and gave his head a little tip of farewell.

"Have fun."

Veld had never met Angeal and Genesis, but he had certainly heard of them. He was still wondering if he should kill Gast or himself when Genesis suddenly had a screaming tantrum for no reason Veld could see, and Sephiroth hurled his bowl at the wall and decided that if Genesis was going to have a tantrum, he could as well. At this point Angeal got to his feet in the butt-first way of babies, picked up a pop-up book, and went into the bathroom, closing and locking the door.

"Wish I'd thought of that," said Veld.

For the second time that day, Sephiroth was stunned by the actions of another. He looked at Veld and pointed at the bathroom door, astounded that Angeal would be permitted to do such a thing. Veld hoisted the child out of the chair.

"Angeal is a big boy and knows how to use the potty. He doesn't make messes on the rug and pee on the floor."

The freakish green eyes narrowed, and Veld distinctly saw the phrase "Oh it is ON, bitch!" pass through the toddler's mind. Veld set the little science experiment down on the floor and watched as Sephiroth marched over to the bathroom door and pounded on it with his fists. In return came the sound of 'Charlie the Chocobo' hitting the wall, followed by a lot of yelling in baby-talk. Veld sighed.

"Come along, Angeal, you can't stay locked in the bathroom."

Unlike his counterparts, Angeal was a relatively calm and obedient child. He was, however, also only two, and while he may know that grown-ups lock the bathroom door, he did not actually know what locking a door did. Veld heard the door knob rattle as tiny hands gripped it, then a long pause as the baby tried to understand why the door was not opening. Veld sighed again as Angeal began wailing for all his might because he was now locked in the bathroom.

"Veld is coming, do not worry," he said tiredly. Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a set of lock-picking tools and used them to open the door in seconds, then picked up the small distraught form, drawing him close. "There, there, it's all right, I've got you."

He looked down at Genesis and Sephiroth, who were tussling in the spaghetti noodles. Seph was butt-naked again, and in record time too. The tiny warriors were battling it out over the bowl, and Veld decided both children were hungry as well as messy.

This time he fed the children first, letting them get as dirty as they liked, then put all three of them in the bath. Warm water and bubbles further placated the tykes, and soon all three were asleep in their play pen while Veld tidied up the disaster. Potty-training could continue another time.

***---***

Zack walked into the kitchen, and found his beloved standing there, wearing only his pyjama pants. In the high chair was Sephira, having a tantrum over what had been served for lunch, while the mighty Silver Tiger stood with a bowl of spaghetti on his head, the noodles slipping down like strange hair. He was gazing at Genesis, who was staring back at him, the pair looking mildly confused as Faelan screamed himself silly after having locked himself in the bathroom.

"Have you a profound sense of déjà-vu?" asked Sephiroth, as Angeal tried to get the door open.

"I have," said Genesis. "But for the life of me I can't think what."

Zack grinned, walking over to Sephiroth and kissing him. "Most fetching, my love."

"Yes your daughter has a talent for hair styles, I've noticed," said Sephiroth. "Did you bring Veld?"

"I did, he was thrilled to have a chance to see you."

Zack stepped aside as the old Turk appeared; more scarred and grey than the last time Sephiroth had seen him, but Veld none the less. He gazed at the trio – Sephiroth mostly undressed with noodles on his head, Angeal fighting with the bathroom door knob, and kids screaming everywhere.

"Does anyone here have a profound sense of déjà-vu?" he asked.
Potty-Roth

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: G
Pairing: Zack/Sephiroth, Angeal/Genesis.
Warnings: Naked baby-butt and Turk abuse.
Word Count: 1680
Website – Ex Libris: [link]
Live Journal: [link]
Honeybee Inn FF Community: [link]

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: All great Turks start with humble duties…

Author’s notes: Rabid Tiger Universe.

deepest_dawn wrote: “....I have a random question in relation to this poll....Who, precisely, trained Sephiroth? Because you KNOW Hojo was not about to get anywhere near that...”

And thus a plotbunny is born.
© 2012 - 2024 MagicRat
Comments67
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Rixe-Rhapsodos's avatar
FUCKING GENIUS!!!! LAUGHING THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS READING!!!! And just think if those three were that bad as babies, imagine Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz...ohhhhhohohoho the horror...