Well I finally broke down and got myself a fishy. He's a Beta, and even though the shopkeep TOLD me what kind of Beta it is, all I remember is "double tail". So he's a blah blah something something double tail. I had just brought him home at this point, so he now has pretty rocks in his tank... which is actually a fancy glass martini pitcher. I had some amazing pink quartz which I cleaned and sterilized and it looks fabulous. He's a gorgeous shade of blood red and metallic blue, which the camera didn't catch, sadly.
I named him Sid Fishes. You may throw things now.