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(Contains: nudity, sexual themes, violence/gore and strong language)
Yazoo in Wonderland.

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: R <- yes you read that right.
Pairings: Yazoo/Cloud.
Warnings: Nudity, naughtiness, consensual rough(ish) sex, and Cid.
Word Count: 5414
Website – Ex Libris:  www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…
Live Journal: delaese.livejournal.com/profil…

If you are new to the Rabid Tiger story arc, you can find the entire thing either on my website here:
www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…

Or the Rabid Tiger Gallery on Deviant Art here:
rabid-tiger.deviantart.com/gal…

Just start at ‘Porcupine Love’ and go from there.

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Metalocalypse, the members of Dethklok, and lyrics to Dethklok songs belong to Brendon Small, Cartoon Network and Turner Music. Copyright for all stories and original characters such as Badger the Roadie is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: Cloud enters the crater to put an end to the Silver Trio once and for all, and ends up in hot water.

Author’s notes: Commission for KoNaXon, who wanted, and I quote – “…a YazooXCloud fic, with 0% Sephiroth and 0% cross-dressing in it.” Which makes me wonder what sort of gift-fics the girl is getting…
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Cloud reached the bottom of the northern crater, and paused, looking around. Above him, the sky was a sea of stars, as if some giant’s child had wiped glitter across a black window. Set in the middle was the moon; a glowing white and golden disc hanging silently. Surrounding him on all sides were the walls of the crater, and here he was deep inside, staring up, feeling like a lone ant in a cereal bowl. All was still. There were no birds, no animals, no chirp and creak of frogs and insects, not even so much as a breath of wind. There was only someone singing very quietly, and the delicate sound of water dripping into a pool. Cloud looked around, and quickly found the source of both song and dripping; there was a solitary form, white as unicorn fur, sitting naked in a pool, playing with the reflection of the moon.

Cloud had expected to find the remnants in the crater. He had not expected to find only one, alone, sitting naked singing old King Harvest tunes.

“We get it almost every night, when that moon gets big and bright. It's a supernatural delight. Everybody was dancing in the moonlight…”

Cloud stepped closer, and Yazoo stopped singing to give him a disdainful look. “Doesn’t that ugly outfit come off?” he inquired.

“Depends on where I am and who I’m with.” Cloud looked around, expecting to see Loz and Kadaj, but… Yazoo appeared to be alone.

“Who are you looking for?” asked Yazoo, reaching around in the water, seeking something.

“Your brothers.”

“Oh. Well they left. It’s just me and the soap now.” Yazoo brandished a bar of soap, raised from the depths of his bath. Cloud frowned in confusion.

“They left? Without you?”

“Well I didn’t want to go. All this talk about travelling the universe and laying waste to planets. When is a boy supposed to find time to wash his hair?”

Cloud raised an eyebrow. He had come here expecting a fight. Not this.

“Won’t you be sad without them?” Cloud asked.

“Not really. Loz will be back. He will miss me. Kadaj can just go be crazy on his own, but with all the voices in his head he’ll never be lonely.” He gave Cloud a sidelong look. “Why are you here?”

“I came to defeat you once and for all.”

“Of course. Gaia if you were any more predictable you could sit on my lap and we could do a ventriloquist act. Well I’m in the bath.”

“I can see that.”

“Then you can also see my kettle is boiling. Go pour the hot water into the tea pot.”

Cloud wasn’t sure why, but he did. Yazoo simply did not seem interested in a fight, so they may as well have tea.

“Why are you here?” asked Yazoo again.

“I told you, I came to put an end to…”

Yazoo waved him off dismissively. “Yes yes yes, I heard that, I was hoping if I gave you a minute, you would come up with something more interesting.”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “I did walk all this way, seems a shame we won’t fight.”

“What? From Midgar?!”

“No just from the top of the crater. Still a long way.”

“Yes I suppose. Well pour the tea and come join me in the bath. Maybe you can start an argument that will turn violent.”

Cloud winced. “I dunno, the last time I was in a bath with a guy it got weird.”

“Cloud I hardly know you and even I can tell ‘it got weird’ is the summation of your entire past, never mind one bath.”

Well no arguing with that.

“Fine. What will we talk about?” Cloud poured the tea.

“The outside world. Is it still dull?”

“I don’t think so,” said Cloud, carrying two cups over to the pool, idly wondering in the back of his mind where Yazoo would have acquired cups and a tea pot. “I have my friends and my travels and…”

“And in other words, it is not the world that is dull, it is you.”

Cloud paused, and gazed down at the mercurial beauty gleaming silver in the water and moonlight. Yazoo blinked his green feline eyes.

“You know I could just pour this tea on your head,” said Cloud.

“Don’t you dare, that is Mideel Oolong, do you know how hard it was to steal?”

Cloud passed him a cup. “No, I’m boring, I actually pay for my tea.”

“Stolen tea tastes better.”

Hadn’t Cid said that once? Cloud shook his head, then set down his own cup of tea and began to undress. Well he couldn’t say this was how he envisioned the final battle for the planet. He could just imagine the ensuing conversation with Tifa and the rest of the group.

“How did it go, Cloud?”

“It was a tough battle but I finally got the soap away from him.”

Of course the look on Vincent’s face alone might make the comment worthwhile.

“So I gather the whole ‘take over the planet’ idea wasn’t yours,” said Cloud, gingerly getting into the pool. It was a natural hotspring, bordering on uncomfortably hot, but Yazoo did not seem to notice.

“No,” said Yazoo, picking up a bottle of shampoo. Where was he getting this stuff? Cloud watched as he poured some of the pearlescent fluid onto his hand, then began rubbing it into his hair. “I never saw the point. Were my brothers and I supposed to rule an entire world? How? It’s not feasible. If you rule with might, someone will rise up against you. If you rule with fear, eventually fear turns to hate. We are strong but we are only three. And Mother. And she’s a head in a box. It’s all ridiculous.”

“So what will you do now?” asked Cloud.

“I haven’t decided. I mean what is there to do? I don’t belong anywhere.”

Cloud carefully settled himself in the pool of water, finding there was easily room for both of them. “A person as powerful and beautiful as you could do a lot of good.”

Yazoo ducked himself in the water to rinse off his long hair. He ignored the statement, as if too ridiculous to acknowledge. Cloud sipped his tea, savouring the clean, herbal flavour that reminded him of autumn leaves. When Yazoo at last finished rinsing his hair, he sat up, gleaming rivulets of water running over his white flesh, his hair plastered against his face and throat as he reached for his tea.

“I don’t care about good. I don’t care about evil, either. I don’t understand why I should; both are too much work. If you are evil, someone will come to interrupt your bath. If you are good, same thing. Both sides of the coin are rife with betrayal and pain.”

“Is that what happened to you?” asked Cloud quietly.

“I fail to see how that is any of your business, since you showed up with the intention of killing me.”

“I was just…”

“Just because you are naked in my bath does not compel me to get personal with you. One moment.” Yazoo reached out to pick up his cell phone and punch in a number. He listened for an answer. “Don’t cry, Loz.”

“I’M NOT CRYING!”

Cloud sipped his tea as Yazoo razzed his brother long-distance. Finally Yazoo closed his phone and set it aside, glancing at Cloud as if he had not expected him to stay so long. Cloud wasn’t certain he could leave now if he was ordered to – Yazoo was proving far more complex and compelling that he had thought possible.

“I don’t understand you,” said Cloud quietly.

“What’s to understand?” asked Yazoo. “I am a fragment of someone else entirely. Not even a fragment – a remnant. A piece of something left over. Remains. I am what remains of someone else. And you look at me as if you expect me to be the same as you. I should think you would understand I am nothing like those around me. Or those who would be around me if I chose to burden myself with them.”

“Yes, I understand that,” said Cloud. “But you clearly care about Loz.”

“Well someone has to. He is my…brother? Actually I was never clear on our relationship. We’re all just pieces. Does that make him my brother? It’s so hard to keep all this stuff straight in my head. For instance – if Loz and I are a part of the same being, and we have sex, is it incest or masturbation?”

Cloud opened his mouth to say something, but then just let his jaw hang. Yazoo pointed the shampoo at him in victory.

“You see? You don’t know either!”

Cloud puzzled over the situation a little longer, then shook his head before asking “Does that mean you’ve thought about having sex with Loz?”

“Only in the afore-mentioned context.” Yazoo handed him a loofah. “Wash my back.”

Yeah this was not how Cloud had envisioned his day; sitting in a bath with a remnant holding a decidedly-phallic-looking loofah and washing Yazoo’s back. He gently moved aside the long white hair and began carefully washing the white skin; uncertain exactly how tough or fragile the hide of a Remnant was. Yazoo seemed to enjoy his efforts regardless.

“What will you do now that you have no one to fight?” asked Yazoo as Cloud gently scrubbed his back.

“I don’t know,” said Cloud. “I suppose something will come along that needs destroying.”

“How will you know? If it needs destroying, I mean, how will you know?”

“Well if it’s intent on destroying others.”

“What if it thinks it is only defending itself? What then?”

Cloud was beginning to think he was the wrong man for this bath-time conversation; this sounded more like the sort of thinking-in-circles stuff that Vincent did.

“If it just thinks it is defending itself then maybe it can be reasoned with.”

“And if it can’t?”

“Then I’m not going to stand there and let it kill me because it thinks it has to.”

“So you will think you have to kill something that thinks it has to kill you. How paradoxical.”

“Did you actually stay behind, or did they sneak away?”

Yazoo whirled to face him, spraying drops of water in all direction. The green eyes glared at Cloud.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“No matter what or why anyone does anything, it’s always wrong with you, isn’t it?”

“And are you always right?”

“No. But sometimes things are really just black and white, not a thousand descriptions of grey. If something is trying to kill me and it can’t be reasoned with, then I’m going to kill it to save myself. If on the other hand it would rather invite me into the bath for an argument, I can do that too.”

“So I’m a thing, now?”

Cloud groaned and rolled his eyes. “Maybe I should just go.”

“Not with my loofah you’re not. And you haven’t finished scrubbing my back. So what if I think too much? I haven’t anything else to do.”

Definitely the wrong man for this bath. Maybe he could phone Vincent and ask him to switch places. Oh yeah that would go over well. “Hi Vincent? I’m in the bath with Yazoo and he’s starting to sound like you, do you wanna come down here and…? Vincent I have no idea what that means but it sounds painful.”

“But you could,” said Cloud, carefully scrubbing the skin. It was so thin and soft he feared he could tear it like tissue.

“Could what? Have something to do besides sit in a pit and talk to the moon?”

“Yes,” said Cloud.

“And what if I looked like the shambling undead? Would you care?”

“I’m not going to say that being so ugly you look like a corpse would not be an obstacle. But you’re not ugly so why worry about being ugly?”

“Because everyone talks about how lovely I am, and it frightens me that something so fleeting could be a basis for anything. I won’t be pretty forever.”

“No,” said Cloud, “none of us will be. Some of us aren’t now. I should think if anyone would dump you it would be for your frustrating habit of talking in circles.”

“I just don’t understand how this business of dealing with other people works!”

“No one does!” said Cloud. “No one has the first idea how any of this works, and reality is the biggest intangible of them all. Every single person alive lives alone in their own head with their own ideas and perceptions. The trick is to find someone whose ideas and perceptions kinda match.”

Cripes, no point calling Valentine, he was starting to channel him. Yazoo looked over his shoulder at Cloud.

“Is that really how it works?”

Cloud shrugged. “As far as I can tell, yeah.”

Yazoo seemed troubled by that idea. He lowered his head, and let Cloud resume washing his back. Cloud set aside the loofah and began gently rubbing the slender shoulders, wanting to somehow comfort Yazoo and having no idea how to do that. Yazoo picked up his cup and sipped his tea. After a few minutes he spoke.

“Well that makes things a bit more sensible,” he said quietly. “I thought I was the only one who couldn’t work things out. Or at the very least who worried about it.”

“It’s a lot easier if you just don’t,” said Cloud quietly.

“Is that what you do?”

“I try to. It doesn’t always work so well. Sometimes you can’t help but think about things, whether you want to or not. Sometimes bad things, sometimes nice things.”

Like the way the soap slid down the white skin of the man before him, and how the moonlight made him luminesce…

“I don’t mind the nice things,” said Yazoo quietly. He idly reached out to pick up Velvet Nightmare and point it at an approaching tonberry. “What do you want?”

It pointed to the tea. Yazoo set the gun down and relaxed into Cloud’s touch one more.

“All right, but one of these times I’m going to make you bring honey.”

Cloud watched the tonberry slowly waddle over to the teapot to pour itself a cup, then laughed quietly.

“Yazoo in Wonderland.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“There’s a book called Alice in Wonderland, about a little girl who falls into a strange nonsensical world and ends up having tea with a dormouse.”

A smile touched Yazoo’s lips, the first Cloud had ever seen. Wow. This man was so pretty.

“Ever thought about leaving the crater for someplace… safer?” asked Cloud.

“No, don’t be silly,” said Yazoo softly, eyes closing, enjoying Cloud’s strong hands on his shoulders. “This is my home. It’s private, and to me it is very safe. I am one of the creatures here. I understand them and they understand me. I would like a house, though. I will put it there.”

Yazoo indicated a flat spot, just big enough for a very small house, right beneath the stars and moon.

“It will be tiny,” said Cloud.

“I don’t need much.”

“But what about when Loz comes home?”

“Oh! Yes I suppose he will need a room too, won’t he?”

“Unless you make him sleep outside, but that’s kinda mean.”

“Depends on if he’s been eating raw beans again,” mumbled Yazoo.

Cloud knew what the ramifications of eating beans in general could be. The idea of dried uncooked ones sounded terrifying.

“Raw beans?”

“He loves them. Says they’re crunchy. It’s enough to kill my will to live.” Yazoo looked over at the tonberry. “If you are going to use my jam, then you are going to share those scones.”

Where the hell was he getting this stuff?! He was afraid to ask, but…

“Where are you getting this stuff?” asked Cloud.

“Mostly we raid shops in the middle of the night.”

Yup. That’s what he thought. Cloud watched the tonberry as it marched a plate of scones and jam over to him. He accepted one.

“Thank you.”

The tonberry next waddled over to Yazoo, looking like a solemn and proper butler, and offered him one, which he accepted. Tea and scones with a tonberry in the bottom of the crater. No one would ever believe him. The tonberry paused, a decidedly offended look on its little face as Cloud’s cell phone rang.

“Sorry,” said Cloud. “I promised Cid I would let him know when I reached the bottom of the crater.”

Yazoo rolled his eyes, as did the tonberry. Cloud pulled his phone out of his leathers, which were piled beside the bath, and opened it.

“Hi Cid.”

“Are you okay? I didn’t expect you to answer. How’s it look down there?”

Yazoo was pinning up his long wet hair, the tonberry standing on the edge of the bath dutifully scrubbing his shoulders with a long-handled brush. Cloud raised an eyebrow, watching water and soap bubbles slide down Yazoo’s lean body.

“Looks pretty damned nice,” said Cloud.

“NICE?!”

“I mean terrible. Yeah, terrible. Scary. Nasty. Oooh… spooky.”

“Cloud are you all right?” That was Tifa, of course.

“I’m fine,” said Cloud. “Really. It’s just… kinda pretty down here…”

In the background, Yuffie made a remark. “He’s lost his marbles again.”

Barret took the phone. “Cloud just what the hell is going on down there?”

“Barret, honestly, if I told you, you would never believe me in a million years.”

“Try me.”

“Okay. I’m drinking oolong tea in the bath with Yazoo being served scones by a tonberry.”

Silence.

“See I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”

“What kind of jam?” asked Cid.

“I dunno,” said Cloud. “I think it’s blueberry.”

“You bastard, you’re drinking tea and eating scones with blueberry jam and you didn’t invite me?”

“Well I came here looking for a fight and… uh…” Cloud swallowed and felt a strange electric tingle shoot through his body as Yazoo turned his head to look at him, sliding his finger between his lips and slowly drawing it out, sucking off the smears of blueberry jam. “And… uh…yeah things are…. About to get physical I think.”

Cid was immediately outraged. “DO YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU ARE DOWN THERE GETTING LAID YOU BASTARD?!”

“No, of course not, I mean… I’m down here for serious business, right? Saving the planet and all that?”

Yazoo, it seemed, possessed a definite sense of play. He moved to the edge of the bath, sitting on the stone surrounding the pool of heated water, sliding the soap over his white skin, pretending to not notice Cloud in the least.

“WE SENT YOU DOWN THERE TO RUN HIM THROUGH!” shouted Cid.

“With luck I’ll get him impaled on something or other,” said Cloud. Yazoo had opted to stand up. He forgot about trying to pin up his log hair and instead used a small tin pitcher to pour hot water over himself. The tonberry set aside the bath-brush, gathered its scones and tea and departed before the humans began mating.

“Cloud I am gonna…”

“Cid go back into your closet with your pictures of Vincent and let me handle Yazoo, that’s what I’m down here for.”

Cloud hung up the phone and set it aside, staring at Yazoo, completely unaware Cid now had his glaive in one hand, his jacket in the other, and Barret and Tifa were doing their level best to stop Cid from marching down into the crater to kill Cloud. Vincent was simply watching all this in confusion and wondering what he’d missed.

“So are you going to kill me?” asked Yazoo, pouring water over himself to wash away the soap.

“That was the idea when I came down here,” said Cloud. “But there doesn’t seem to be any reason to do it now. You said yourself you just want to live in peace.”

“I do. But now I wonder how many others like you will be down to put an end to me?”

“There aren’t many who would brave the crater,” said Cloud.

“You did.”

“Only because I thought if I didn’t… you might hurt the people I care about.”

Yazoo shook his head. “I know what Kadaj wants, and what Mother wants. But it’s not what I want. It’s not what Loz wants either. There may come a time Kadaj and Mother decide to punish us for our betrayal, but I am not a puppet, even if Kadaj is, and wills himself to be one. I have a mind. I can make my own choices.”

“And what is your choice?” asked Cloud.

“For now? A house. A bath. And you.”

Cloud smiled. “And what if I say no?”

“Well your lips may say ‘no’, but that periscope jutting out of the bathwater says otherwise.”

Cloud managed a quiet laugh, surprised to hear the sound escape himself. “Well sex is one thing, but…”

“There is time to make friends,” said Yazoo. “I do know how some things work.”

“I’d like to be friends,” said Cloud.

Yazoo smiled and walked over to him, naked, wet, and utterly lovely. He sat down in the water beside Cloud, one small white hand reaching beneath the surface to clasp his penis. Well that was a little more forward than Cloud had anticipated, but as long as Yazoo’s next move wasn’t to rip the penis he held out by the roots, it should be just fine. Cloud drew him close, and they kissed, settling in the water.

Yazoo did not seem terribly interested in foreplay; once he had Cloud hard enough, he simply straddled him, easing himself down on the stiff penis. They held each other close, kissing, caressing, touching. Cloud had a feeling that, more than anything, Yazoo just wanted to be held, touched, and to feel safe. His life in the crater must have been one of unimaginable isolation, and now that he had someone…

Yazoo rolled over, pulling Cloud on top of him as both sank into the depths of the water. Genetically re-engineered as they were, each could hold his breath for a considerable amount of time, surfacing briefly to gulp air when needed. Cloud had never considered underwater sex before… but he was liking the weightlessness of it, and the way Yazoo’s soft flesh felt in his arms. He loved how the long silver hair rose to envelope them both, like some sort of gentle marine creature…

Yazoo suddenly tried to pull away, grinning, allowing Cloud to catch him, but continuing the game at intervals, trying to make Cloud a little more aggressive in his love-making. It was not an easy task; Cloud was not by nature an aggressive man. So Yazoo decided to bide his time and wait until he could feel Cloud reaching his climax, and abruptly pulled away. That seemed to work a little better, but all it really did was make Cloud hang on a little harder in order to be able to finish before Yazoo managed to actually escape. They surfaced, gasping in great lungfuls of air, Yazoo leaning forward on the edge of the bath, braced on his elbows as Cloud held him in a tight embrace, thrusting hard.

“You’re too nice,” Yazoo informed him.

“I’ve heard that.”

Yazoo slowly turned, gently pushing Cloud off, smiling at his rather distraught lover.

“I need something a little rougher than this.”

Cloud frankly would have agreed to just about anything at this point. “Like what?”

***---***

All right, so it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing Cloud had ever pictured himself doing, but dammit, it was fun. Somewhere in his travels and adventures, Yazoo must have stolen some very imaginative books, because the things he tried were well out of Cloud’s plain-vanilla experiences. Hell Tifa had thought it incredibly kinky she’d left her socks on. He could not imagine her reaction if he had said “I’m gonna chain you to a rock and tie your ankles over your head now.”

Yeah he would have been down on all fours looking for his nuts and his eyeballs and hoping he didn’t mix the two up when he put them back.

Yazoo was currently chained to a natural pillar of black rock, making strange, shrill noises, rather like a yelp, as Cloud twisted his long white hair into some semblance of a leash and thrust into him hard and deep. He still wasn’t quite sure how he felt about all of this, but Yazoo was loving it, and as long as Yazoo was having fun, then Cloud didn’t feel he really needed to comprehend why any rational human being would insist on being shackled to a pillar.

“You want me to tie you up next?” Yazoo asked, his voice rough and breathy.

Cloud shook his head. “No. I have claustrophobia.”

Yazoo shot him a look from over his shoulder. “It better not be sexually transmissible!”

“It’s not. Believe me it’s not.”

Cloud dragged his hands down the white skin, feeling the hard muscles, and the tiny bits of debris struck to both of their bodies. They would need another bath after all of this. Not that Cloud minded. Yazoo growled in frustration.

“This isn’t working either.”

“I’m not sure I can stop…”

“You’d better! Or I…. you selfish bastard,” Yazoo sighed as Cloud shuddered, biting onto his shoulder.

“Sorry!” Cloud managed to grunt as he slammed deep into Yazoo, hanging onto him tightly, spilling his seed deep into him.

“The hell you are,” grumbled Yazoo.

Cloud spent himself inside his lover, then slowly released him, exhausted. “Well why don’t you get on top for a while?”

“Oh fine. But we will be discussing this at a later date.”

“Terrific,” muttered Cloud, unchaining Yazoo.

He made no protest at all as he was unceremoniously tossed onto the ground and mounted. In fact he was just glad to let someone else do the work for a change. He grinned as Yazoo came hard and fast inside of him, closing his eyes as he stroked the tangled white hair that had dried into a nightmare’s mane from their antics.

“Maybe you just like being on top better,” said Cloud softly.

“Maybe. There’s a lot I don’t know yet. But I like having you inside of me. It will just take a while for me to figure out what I really want.”

Cloud kissed him. “We have time for that.”

The floor of the crater was warm. He couldn’t help but wonder what sort of volcanic forces were heating it, but as long as it was just a little warm he supposed it was okay. He would just have to keep an eye on it, and make sure to get Yazoo moved if it seemed to become dangerous.

Eventually they returned to the bath, this time to rinse off the bits of dirt and pebbles stuck to them. Then Yazoo fetched a book from somewhere near the pool, and returned with it, sitting down on the edge of the bath and showing Cloud a photo.

“I want to try that next.”

“You sure?” said Cloud. “It might hurt.”

“Well if we don’t like it, you can always untie me and we can do something else.”

Cloud shrugged. Hopefully in time Yazoo would get bored with kinky bondage sex. For right now, Cloud didn’t mind a little playful experimentation. After all, it was all in the name of saving the planet, right? Maybe he could get Cid to show him some knots.

“Let’s go to my bed,” said Yazoo.

“You have a bed?”

Yazoo did indeed have a bed – a centuries-old four poster with a solid oak roof and velvet drapes, and some museum was probably mourning its loss. Cloud hoped they didn’t break it as Yazoo threw him the rope.

“Okay, on the bed,” said Cloud.

Yazoo’s eyes gleamed as he grinned wickedly. “Uh-uh. Make me.”

Oh Gaia he was already too old for this shit…

Cloud chased after Yazoo, which was not easy. Both were extraordinarily fast, both strong, and both were capable of regenerating massive wounds rather quickly, so catching Yazoo took far longer than anticipated. By the time Cloud caught him, only half of him wanted to get him restrained so he could fuck him; the other half just wanted the little shit to sit still for twenty minutes. They thrashed and wrestled on the bed, Cloud at last managing to get one of Yazoo’s arms tied to a post. Then there was the other arm, then there was the right ankle…

“Where do you want this?” asked Cloud.

“Up by my wrist.”

“Right.”

They were scraped, bruised, bloody, and giggling like idiots, but finally Cloud had his prize subdued, and moved over top of him, entering him and thrusting. Yazoo screeched, and Cloud froze.

“You okay?”

“YES!”

Right, so it seemed they found a position Yazoo liked. All the better. Cloud grasped his hips and began thrusting hard and deep, Yazoo vocalizing his pleasure to anything and everything in the vicinity. It was getting late. He was tired. But for now… oh yeah, right now everything was so good. Cloud let his head fall back, eyes closed, lips parted in pleasure as he thrust deep and slow and hard into his beautiful silver lover…

And then something hit him hard enough to dislocate his jaw and fling him out of Yazoo and into a wall.

“LOZ WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” Yazoo screamed at a pitch that had the bigger remnant cowing.

“He was hurting you!”

“HE WAS NOT! YOU BRING HIM BACK OVER HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BREAK YOU DOWN INTO YOUR BASE COMPONENTS!”

“I can’t, I think I broke him.”

“LOZ!”

Cloud was picked up and carried back to the bed and placed beside Yazoo, who had somehow managed to get out of the ropes. He moved over to Cloud’s side, touching his face.

“Are you okay? Oh let me help you with that…”

Cloud screamed as Yazoo pushed his jaw back into place. Yazoo held him close, trying to comfort him.

“But he was…making you do things…” said Loz helplessly.

“Yes but he had my permission to do it,” said Yazoo. “Why are you back so soon?”

“I was hungry. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Yazoo glared at him. “Loz, I think it is very sweet that you were worried and stood up for me, but Cloud had permission to do those things. If ever he does not, I will let you know.”

“Okay. Hey how come you never did that stuff with me?”

“Are you actually going to make me answer that?”

“It’s an honest question.”

“Loz?”

“Yeah?”

“Go make tea.”

Loz rolled his eyes. “No one tells me anything.”

Loz wandered off to make tea, as Yazoo cuddled Cloud and stroked his hair. “Oh poor Cloud, I’m so sorry. He just wanted to make sure I was all right. And we have been enemies rather a long time…”

“My face hurts,” whimpered Cloud.

Yazoo kissed him gently. “It’s all right. I promise to make it up to you. After we explain the facts of life to Loz.”

Yazoo in Wonderland.

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: R <- yes you read that right.
Pairings: Yazoo/Cloud.
Warnings: Nudity, naughtiness, consensual rough(ish) sex, and Cid.
Word Count: 5414
Website – Ex Libris:  www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…
Live Journal: delaese.livejournal.com/profil…

If you are new to the Rabid Tiger story arc, you can find the entire thing either on my website here:
www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…

Or the Rabid Tiger Gallery on Deviant Art here:
rabid-tiger.deviantart.com/gal…

Just start at ‘Porcupine Love’ and go from there.

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Metalocalypse, the members of Dethklok, and lyrics to Dethklok songs belong to Brendon Small, Cartoon Network and Turner Music. Copyright for all stories and original characters such as Badger the Roadie is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: Cloud enters the crater to put an end to the Silver Trio once and for all, and ends up in hot water.

Author’s notes: Commission for :iconkornaxon:, who wanted, and I quote – “…a YazooXCloud fic, with 0% Sephiroth and 0% cross-dressing in it.” Which makes me wonder what sort of gift-fics the girl is getting…
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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It got weird is a good explanation of Cloud’s life.  The Tonburry butler is adorable,, Oh Loz…he was trying to protect him
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:iconmagicrat:
MagicRat Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014
Loz loves his brother. :)
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:iconsikesaner:
SikeSaner Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
“Cloud I hardly know you and even I can tell ‘it got weird’ is the summation of your entire past, never mind one bath.”

Well no arguing with that.


Heh, indeed.

If you are evil, someone will come to interrupt your bath. If you are good, same thing.

Well that's quotable as hell

“I don’t mind the nice things,” said Yazoo quietly. He idly reached out to pick up Velvet Nightmare and point it at an approaching tonberry. “What do you want?”

It pointed to the tea. Yazoo set the gun down and relaxed into Cloud’s touch one more.

“All right, but one of these times I’m going to make you bring honey.”

Cloud watched the tonberry slowly waddle over to the teapot to pour itself a cup, then laughed quietly.


And that's adorable as hell

Cloud watched the tonberry as it marched a plate of scones and jam over to him. He accepted one.

“Thank you.”

The tonberry next waddled over to Yazoo, looking like a solemn and proper butler, and offered him one, which he accepted. Tea and scones with a tonberry in the bottom of the crater. No one would ever believe him. The tonberry paused, a decidedly offended look on its little face as Cloud’s cell phone rang.


Cute!

“WE SENT YOU DOWN THERE TO RUN HIM THROUGH!” shouted Cid.

“With luck I’ll get him impaled on something or other,” said Cloud.


Pfff...

The tonberry set aside the bath-brush, gathered its scones and tea and departed before the humans began mating.

Yeah I'd... wondered whether or not it'd wanna watch, heh
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:iconmagicrat:
MagicRat Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014
Heck I would!
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:iconarchonproject:
archonproject Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I dunno what to say.  I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it...which is why it's so awesome!!  I've never been partial to this pairing, however, you've done an excellent job of it and I have to say, it could be verra interesting!  *waggle*  Great work, as always m'dear!  :huggle:
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:iconmagicrat:
MagicRat Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
I had never thought of it before but once I started, I thought "Y'know these two have potential to be painfully cute."
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:iconilovwinning:
ilovwinning Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014
AWESOME!
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:iconmagicrat:
MagicRat Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014
YAY! Glad you liked it.
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:iconherradurra1:
herradurra1 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Professional Photographer
I actually laughed out loud at this several times during the Snowpocalypse.
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:iconmagicrat:
MagicRat Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
YAY! That makes me happy! :D
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