Hair.

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: PG
Pairings: Cid/Vincent.
Warnings: Naughty words and obsolete slogans.
Word Count:1551
Website – Ex Libris:  http://www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/index.html
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If you are new to the Rabid Tiger story arc, you can find the entire thing here:
http://rabid-tiger.deviantart.com/gallery/31800656

Just start at ‘Porcupine Love’ and go from there.

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Metalocalypse, the members of Dethklok, and lyrics to Dethklok songs belong to Brendon Small, Cartoon Network and Turner Music. Copyright for all stories and original characters such as Badger the Roadie is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: Cid finds something from Vincent’s past.

Author’s notes: Fits into the ‘Rabid Tiger’ AU. Here are three facts that may make this ficlet funnier.

One – According to SquareEnix, our little Vincent was born in 1950. That means he would be nineteen in 1969, AKA “The Summer of Love”. Perfect for the Haight-Ashbury crowd.

Two – The musical “Hair” was sometimes performed on stage as a nude play.

Three – If you remember the sixties, you were not there.



Cid felt a small hand take hold of his shirt and tug.

“Daddy?”

Oh great. Anytime Benji came into his office to talk to him, something was on the verge of blowing up and Vincent was running around telling the kids not to let Daddy know. But Vincent was at work at the moment, and Cid was looking after the kids himself along with Serafina. Cid looked down at the little tattle-tale.

“Yes?” Cid inquired.

“Mommy’s on TV.”

Okay, that was hardly ground-shaking. Someone was re-running a performance of ‘Loveless’.

“He is, huh?” said Cid. “Is he dancing, too?”

“Uh huh. An’ he’s naked.”

Okay. That was unexpected.

“Naked?” inquired Cid, not certain he’d heard right.

“Naked wif no clothes on,” clarified Benji.

Cid blinked at the child, slightly confused. Then he held his hand out to the little boy.

“Show me.”

Benji took his father’s hand and led him into the livingroom, where Aiden was staring open-mouthed at the TV. Cid looked, and sure enough, there was Vincent Valentine, nineteen years old, gloriously beautiful and in full flowing motion, dancing as if he was a creature made of water and mist, his hair blowing around him. And yes, he was indeed, stark naked.

“Why’s my mommy naked on da TV wif no clothes on?” demanded Benji.

That was a good question. Cid consulted the channel guide, and found he was watching a university production of the musical ‘Hair’. Funny, Vincent never mentioned being in that particular stage show.

There was a brief shot of the audience. Ol’ Grimoire Valentine looked like he’d just crapped five litters of kittens, likely thinking he hadn’t paid to send the kid to university to dance naked in front of his colleagues. Seated beside him was Serafina, looking like she could not be more proud, her baby boy dancing so beautifully…

“Grandma!” yelled Aiden. “Mommy’s naked on the TV!”

Cid’s cell phone rang, and he drew it out. “What is it?” he asked.

“Check out channel 96,” said Reno.

“I know, I see it. Why didn’t he ever say he was in ‘Hair’?”

Serafina walked into the livingroom, pausing before the TV, holding Rhiannon. She smiled widely.

“There is my baby boy, so handsome!”

“What character did he play?” asked Cid.

“Meh, had some silly name. Wool or Wark or… Woof! That was it. He played Woof.”

“Daddy!” said Aiden. “That naked lady said a bad word!”

“Yes, she certainly did,” said Serafina. “My Vincent never said such a word.”

“I gotta call the guys,” said Reno, and hung up before Cid could scream at him.

Cid closed the cellphone and stared at the TV. Well maybe Vincent hadn’t mentioned it because he didn’t want the kids to see something with drug use and foul language. Of course, by modern standards, ‘Hair’ was positively innocent.

The music changed, the set slowly spun and altered, and beautiful Vincent Valentine walked to the front of the stage. Cid sat down on the floor, glued to the TV. Vincent had no speaking lines in ‘Loveless’. But here he had a speaking part. Not only that, it appeared he was going to sing. Cid’s heart lurched. His Vincent was going to sing. He could hardly stand the suspense as Vincent stood in the center of the stage, opened his mouth, and began to sing. Cid’s jaw dropped at what came out.

<center>“Sodomy, fellatio, cunnilingus…”</center>

Cid hit the remote so fast there was a crackle of static electricity from the friction of his hand moving through the air. Before anyone could protest, Cid looked to the kids.

“Hey, let’s all go to Sailor Nicky’s! Everybody get dressed!”

Benji and Aiden scurried to get into their coats and boots as Cid got up from the floor, torn between laughter and horror. Serafina stepped closer, peering into Cid’s face.

“Was a bad thing he said, my Vincent?”

Cid clamped his hand over his mouth, trying desperately hard not to laugh, his shoulders shaking with the exertion of holding it back. Serafina stared a little longer, then nodded.

“So it was bad.”

Cid roared with laughter. Serafina stiffened with indignation.

“I spank his ass!”

Cid only laughed harder as Serafina said ‘ass’. Nearly crippled with hilarity, he sat down hard on the sofa, trying to get himself under control. By the time Benji and Aiden were ready to go, Cid was still giggling, but he could at least breathe. He took his little sons out to dinner, while Serafina sat with Rhiannon on the sofa and watched Vincent perform on stage, forgetting a while what time had been lost to them.

***---***

It was ten PM when Vincent came home, wearing his Turk uniform. Cid stood grinning, the livingroom filled with Vincent’s friends, including Rufus and Veld. They all waited, listening as Vincent took off his jacket, got a beer, and finally entered the large room where a veritable crowd of people was gathered. He stopped dead as he saw them, his thin hands around the beer bottle, red eyes blinking warily.

“Yes?” he said.

“So why did you not tell me you were in ‘Hair’?” asked Cid, grinning.

Vincent stared at him, blinking. “What?”

“‘Hair’. It’s a musical.”

“I was never in ‘Hair’,” said Vincent.

“Yes you were!” said Cid. “You played Woof.”

Vincent’s head tilted, red eyes showing non-comprehension. “Woof?”

“Yeah!” said Cid.

“There ain’t no point denying it!” said Barret. “We all saw you!”

“Yeah!” said Yuffie. “And we saw all of you, too!”

Vincent looked around, plainly confused. “I have to say this is the lamest practical joke in the history of practical jokes.”

Cid aimed the remote he held and clicked it at the TV. Vincent’s jaw dropped as he saw himself stark naked on stage singing about sodomy.

“When the hell was I in ‘Hair’?!” he demanded.

“When you were in university!” said Veld.

Vincent’s attention turned abruptly to his long-time friend. “When the hell was I in university?!”

“Nineteen sixty-nine!” said Serafina. “You spent a year studying!”

Vincent’s eyes darted nervously as he tried to think. “Studying what?”

The room was silent, everyone staring at the terribly befuddled man. Then Cid stepped forward.

“Vincent… 1969, Midgar University, student production of ‘Hair’? Does none of this sound familiar to you?”

Vincent thought very very hard, then slowly shook his head.

“Thus proving the age-old saying that if one remembers the sixties, one was not there,” said Rufus.

Serafina was outraged. “Vincent! Such a bad boy! What have you to say for yourself?”

Vincent looked like a deer in the headlights. “Never trust anyone over thirty?”

She showed him a tiny fist. “I bring you into this world, I take you out!”

“I just don’t remember! It was such a strange time. Are you sure that naked man on the TV is me?”

“It’s you,” said Cid. “I can tell by the…”

Serafina socked him one. “You watch your mouth, gorilla!”

“OW!” Cid held his throbbing nose. “I was gonna say dance style!”

“And… other tangible traits,” said Reeve.

As Reno kept Serafina from belting Reeve, Veld walked over to him.

“You don’t remember at all?”

Vincent shook his head.

“You’re sure?”

“Veld I tell you I don’t remember, I’m not even sure I know the lyrics to any of the music.”

“Harmony and understanding,” sang Veld quietly. “Sympathy and trust abounding…”

Vincent thought hard, then sang hesitantly; “No more falsehoods or derisions, golden living dreams of visions, mystic crystal revelations…”

“And the mind’s true liberation…” Teddy added.

There was a long silence as Vincent thought. Then he shook his head.

“Nothing,” he said.

“It’s all right,” said Veld. “It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”

“Well I got an idea,” said Cid. “Let’s just crack some beer, order pizza and watch it. Okay Vincent?”

“Sure,” he said. “I’ve never seen ‘Hair’, though I was apparently in it.”

“I’ll pause the movie,” said Cid.

He turned to aim the remote at the TV, then froze, watching the dancers on stage moving with fluid beauty. One of the men looked familiar…

Cid looked from the dancer, to Veld, back to the dancer, and again to Veld. Then he smiled and shook his head.

Nah. Couldn’t be.